I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
