yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
