also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm at about main and main street
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
