Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize