Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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