I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
