I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
