The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
