I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
