Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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