im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
