like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize