The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
