we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize