I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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