Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
