did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
