i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
