i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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