oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
