They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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