By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Randomize
