he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
