it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize