my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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