I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
