You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You may now shotgun with the bride
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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