somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
