Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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