I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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