you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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