i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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