Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's blow job season.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize