Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
