I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
