It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
