so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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