He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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