I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize