I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
