It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
