Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she peed on how many people?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
