I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
