That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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