Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
