Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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