the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My bed smells like the plague
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
