On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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