You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
