clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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