My balls are so social today.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
