Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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