how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize