I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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