FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
