They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize