Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
