I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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