Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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