guys are only as good as the porn they watch
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize