i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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