I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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