my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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