I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
