I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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