haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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