Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
