i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
