I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
two words...techno handjob
Let's paint friendship bongs
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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