on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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