I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize