Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
