i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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