you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
