sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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