No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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