I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
