Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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