you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
