Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
