It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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