Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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