dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
