That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
