i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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