Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
