he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
