I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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