can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
