AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
