why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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