If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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