Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
