Please, let me fuck your mom
I smell stomach acid.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
