theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
