Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
