Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
