She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
