The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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