I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
