OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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