I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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