Banned from zoo.
Again?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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